How to Face Life’s Big, Scary Changes Without Losing Yourself

A health scare, divorce, the death of a loved one, becoming a caregiver, an existential crisis… life throws us curveballs, and sometimes those curveballs hit us in the head on a day we forgot to wear a helmet. I know because I’ve experienced each of these and more. And when you’re in the thick of it, it feels like you’re in hell and time is standing still. Our world becomes much smaller. Positive emotions are fleeting or forced. And if it lasts long enough, we start to lose touch with our sense of self.

But do know this—these times do come to an end, and it is possible to navigate these changes without losing sight of who you are. With the right awareness and support, you can get through any life-altering situation and come out stronger and better for it. It isn’t easy; and you might not believe you can do it when you’re wading waist-deep through your life’s sea of shit. But eventually, you will come up for air, the tide will recede, and you’ll crawl out of the mud more resilient and wiser than you ever thought possible.

Let’s Look at What Kinds of Situations We’re Talking About Here

First, there are the circumstantial situations—the things that happen to you, the ones you never saw coming: illness, accidents, a spouse leaving, a disability. When these strike, life isn’t just handing you lemons; the whole damn tree is falling on you.

Then there are the radical life changes you choose to make. These are the times you step into the unknown on purpose: ending a long-term relationship, walking away from a stable career to pursue a new path, a long-distance move, or embarking on a major health transformation. For some, these changes feel freeing, even exhilarating. For others, the unknowns can feel paralyzing, and actions are never taken out of fear. And then there are the people in between—the ones who dare to be brave and take the leap into the unknown. The excitement propels you forward, but as soon as the honeymoon phase is over, doubt and uncertainty flood in.

Failure feels like it’s looming over your head, just waiting to come crashing down. For those of us who’ve made this great leap, we hope to settle into freedom and peace as the experience unfolds, but most of the time, there’s an uncomfortable “middle phase” filled with doubt and second-guessing, where you might even wish you’d never started this journey at all. If this is you, lean into that feeling. That discomfort is often a sign you’re on your way to something miraculous. It’s a great time to lean into a support system, and if you don’t already have one, create one. Stat.

The Difference Between Going Through This Alone and Going Through It with Support

Navigating life’s sharp edges with a support system is hard enough. Going through these big, scary changes on your own? That’s a whole different beast. When you’re isolated, it feels like free-falling with no net, just hoping you’ll find your footing before you hit rock bottom. With no one there to ground you, you can get lost in your own thoughts, doubts, and second-guessing. It’s easy to lose yourself.

But going through these times with the right support? It changes everything. Having people in your corner reminds you that you’re not doing this alone. It’s like having an anchor when everything else feels chaotic. With the right people around, you’ll start to regain strength, clarity, and a sense of self.

When I was younger, we didn’t talk about mental health challenges the way we do today. Resources weren’t available like they are now; therapy was seen as something for people who were crazy, not for someone dealing with everyday life challenges or major changes. I lived by an unspoken rule: don’t complain, just cope. And I learned to cope in all the wrong ways. This is not a path I recommend.

Today, we’re fortunate to have options we didn’t before. Whether it’s reaching out to a therapist, hiring a coach, confiding in a family member, or opening up to a friend, we have support options that make a difference. Mental health isn’t something that should only come up when we’re at a breaking point; it needs to be a part of our everyday well-being. And if we’re trying to navigate life’s curveballs alone when support is available, we’re choosing the harder path.

Sometimes, We Don’t Even Realize We Need Help

The hardest part of going through a traumatic event or making a major life change is that we don’t always recognize we need help. When I was in the thick of it, I didn’t fully comprehend how traumatic my past was until I’d been out of it for fifteen years. And I know I’m not alone in this. We have a tendency to downplay our struggles, convincing ourselves that “it’s not that bad” or “others have it worse.”

Stop. Do not convince yourself you are doing okay or compare your situation to others.

Just because someone else’s struggle might look bigger on the outside, it doesn’t make yours any less valid. You deserve support as much as anyone else. We need to listen to our own internal gauges—those little signals telling us that we’re struggling. Trust your gut. If you feel off and are anything less than content and happy on most days, it’s okay to ask for help. And if that help doesn’t look like therapy, maybe it’s a coach, maybe it’s a close friend, or maybe you just need a long hug. You might not know what you need until you talk it out, and that’s okay. The important thing is to start somewhere.

Think of Support Like Medical Care for Your Mind and Heart

If you were going through a major health crisis, you wouldn’t try to diagnose and treat it alone. You’d find the right doctors, get the tests, maybe join a support group. All of life’s changes deserve that same level of care and support. Talking with someone gives you clarity, reassurance, and guidance through the chaos. It’s not about weakness; it’s about giving yourself the tools to manage life’s hardest moments with a bit of solid ground beneath your feet.

Don’t try to figure it out on your own. You’ve got options. Support isn’t a last resort; it’s a foundation. Reach out. Invest in yourself, in a community, in guidance that gives you strength. Going through it alone might feel like the “strong” thing to do, but real strength is knowing when to lean on others. In today’s world, we’re fortunate to have resources that help us do that.

Building Strength to Face Both Circumstantial and Chosen Challenges

As someone who spent over half my life in a state of falling apart and rebuilding, I can confidently say that surviving the circumstantial situations and growing through them allows you to build strength that helps you pull the trigger on the tough decisions you need to make by choice.

If you aren’t someone who has suffered deeply yet, you will. It is an unavoidable part of living. And if you have been brave enough to make tough choices and simmer in the discomfort of the unknown, you will be better equipped to face the inevitable challenges that will try to knock you down one day. Because life will hit you. And when it does, it helps to know you have a strong foundation—and ideally, a support system—to see you through.

So if you’re facing tough circumstances or decisions, know this: you are capable. You’re braver and more resilient than you realize. And with the right support, you can face whatever comes next without losing sight of who you are, because you don’t have to go through it alone.